September 21, 2023

Improve Our Home

The Lies I’ve Been Telling Myself

8 min read

Yesterday, I felt like I had some form of breakthrough. I used to be stood up once more but once more by one other handyperson with whom I had made an appointment to offer me an estimate for the drywall job within the studio.

I’ve had absolutely the worst experiences with handymen. What number of is that this now? I’ve misplaced depend. Let’s see.

  1. There was the man I employed to do the most straightforward and fundamental job (haul away junk). He did half the job, and requested for the entire fee, and instructed me he’d be again the following morning to complete. I paid him, after which didn’t see him for six weeks. Within the interim, I texted him twice, and twice he instructed me he’d be again the following day to complete. He was a no present each occasions. When he lastly did come six weeks later to haul off the remainder of the stuff, his truck mattress was already piled full when he confirmed up, and he couldn’t get every little thing he had promised to take (and for which I had already paid him) into his already-full truck mattress. However regardless, he declared the job carried out, and gained’t reply to my texts.
  2. I made an appointment with one other man on a selected day and at a selected time. He didn’t present. I obtained a DM from him on Nextdoor later that night telling me that we might reschedule. He didn’t apologize for standing me up, and didn’t provide any type of excuse. It was simply, “Hey, I believe I used to be supposed to satisfy with you at 5:00 at this time. We will reschedule that for one more day.” Ummm…no.
  3. I made an appointment with a girl by way of DM on Nextdoor who handles her husband’s handyman enterprise. I messaged her, and she or he messaged me proper again saying that I might name her any time. I referred to as instantly, and she or he stated they have been at one other particular person’s home giving them an estimate, and will most likely come on to my home after that. She stated she’d name me again in 5 minutes. That was 5 days in the past, and I nonetheless haven’t heard again.
  4. I made an appointment with one other man. He and his helper really confirmed up after they stated they might to take a look at the job. He was right here 5 minutes, took some measurements, and stated he’d textual content me later with an estimate. I didn’t hear from him that night time or the following day. I lastly texted him and requested if he had an estimate for me, and I obtained a learn receipt exhibiting that he learn my textual content about two minutes after I despatched it. That was two days in the past, and I nonetheless haven’t heard again.
  5. I made an appointment with a girl who evidently has a number of work crews that do all types of transforming and handyman jobs. She was speculated to be right here yesterday at 5:00. At 5:30, she nonetheless wasn’t right here and I hadn’t heard from her. I referred to as and obtained no reply. I texted, and waited. I lastly obtained a textual content again from her at 6:00, and she or he stated that she was along with her plumber and didn’t notice the time, and that I might give her a name subsequent week and we are able to reschedule.

I don’t know the way any of those folks keep in enterprise after they deal with prospects (or potential prospects) with so little regard. To say that I used to be on the finish of my rope yesterday night can be an understatement. I used to be livid and pissed off and, fairly actually, feeling helpless.

Helpless. That’s a phrase that I’ve by no means thought I’d affiliate with myself. I’ve at all times considered myself as robust, succesful, decided. I’ve at all times been the type of one who will determine a approach, even when one thing appears unimaginable. Over the past 16 years that I’ve been penning this weblog, I’ve had folks ask me repeatedly, “Kristi, how did you try this by your self?” I simply did. Sheer dedication, a really robust will, blended with a heaping spoonful of stubbornness, has served me very properly through the years.

However currently, one thing shifted in my thoughts, and never for the great. I don’t now if it’s simply because I’m on the final room in our house and I’m feeling like I’m on the final mile of a marathon and I won’t make it. I don’t know if it’s as a result of I simply had a milestone birthday and I’m feeling previous and asking myself, “How did I get right here already?” I actually don’t know what it’s, however about six months in the past, there was a change in my mindset. As an alternative of being that robust, succesful, decided particular person I’ve at all times been, I began telling myself that I can’t. I’m not succesful. I’m not robust sufficient. I can’t do these items on my own, and if I don’t discover assist, they gained’t get carried out as a result of I can’t.

I’ve by no means been an “I can’t” particular person earlier than. However I’ve instructed myself these lies so many occasions over the previous couple of months that it’s simply grow to be miserable. Mix that with the truth that I haven’t been capable of finding a dependable particular person to do a few of these issues that I had satisfied myself I couldn’t do, and that has led to a totally miserable feeling of helplessness.

By no means in my life did I believe that I might really feel helpless. And but, there I used to be yesterday, feeling helpless. I felt so helpless and discouraged that I cried and had a pity celebration for myself. After which I obtained indignant and threw a bit mood tantrum as a result of these folks maintain standing me up, and I another person has to do it for me as a result of I can’t do it alone.

Effectively, after about half-hour of that nonsense, my anger and frustration turned in direction of myself. I began questioning what on the planet had occurred to me. What have I grow to be? How on the planet have I satisfied myself over these previous few months that I’m not succesful of doing these items?

I imply, we’re speaking about drywall, for goodness sake! And it’s not even on the ceiling, or excessive up on the wall. We’re speaking about drywall on the underside a part of the partitions.

I’ve drywalled complete rooms in our home earlier than, together with the ceiling, on my own. Sure, it’s true that I promised myself that I’d by no means should do drywall once more as a result of, fairly frankly, I hate it. I hate putting in drywall, and I hate taping and mudding much more. However my mindset had gone past simply I don’t wish to do that as a result of I hate doing drywall. My mindset had gone to I’m not succesful of doing this and I’m dependent upon another person to do it for me. And never with the ability to discover somebody reliable to do it for me had led to that dreadful and unfamiliar feeling of helplessness.

I actually don’t know the way I had satisfied myself of those lies. I imply, I’ve put cased openings in load-bearing partitions on this home all on my own.

I’ve torn rooms all the way down to the studs and rebuilt them all on my own.

And but I used to be feeling helpless over 5 sheets of drywall? I had satisfied myself that I’m not able to doing this alone. How did that occur?

Effectively, maybe being stood up by all these folks is strictly what I wanted to snap myself out of this downward spiral I’ve been in over these previous few months, as a result of in spite of everything of my mood tantrums and pity events yesterday, I discovered dedication that I haven’t felt in a really very long time. I began reminding myself of who I’m and what I’ve carried out, and I reminded myself that I’m VERY succesful! I don’t have to rely on different folks!

So I headed to Residence Depot with a plan in thoughts. I used to be going to hire certainly one of their $19 vehicles, and get the drywall that I wanted to complete the job myself. I bumped into a bit roadblock once I obtained there as a result of they didn’t have any of the vehicles, however I used to be decided. I nonetheless obtained my 5 sheets of drywall, however I had one of many guys assist me reduce every sheet down six inches in order that they would slot in the van. I obtained every little thing I wanted to get this drywall carried out! And as quickly as Matt and I are completed consuming lunch at this time, I will get it carried out.

And I’m going to cease telling myself “I can’t” and “I’m not succesful.” I don’t know the way or why these lies began creeping into my head, however I’m bored with these lies tumbling round in my head. As of yesterday, they’ve been issued an eviction discover, and I’m going to do every little thing in my energy to get again to my previous mindset the place I inform myself that I can. I can’t stand that feeling of helplessness, and I don’t wish to really feel that once more. I could have handed a milestone birthday, and I could also be a bit older than I used to be once I began this weblog, however I’m nonetheless robust, succesful and decided…or a minimum of I’m going to do my best possible to get again to mindset. It might take a little bit of time to get again there full steam, however within the meantime, I’m a minimum of going to cease letting these lies take up residence in my head.

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